Do Moms Evolve?

I’m a mom of grown-ups now. My girls are in other towns and make their own choices, and don’t have curfews and go grocery shopping. I have no idea what brand of toilet paper they use. Even though my boys are still home, sometimes they only speak these words to me: It’s fine, I’m fine, It was fine, ok, yah cool.

I’m wondering as they grow and change, am I changing as a mom?

When they were babies and would cry, I would hold them, and “shushhh” them and then put a bottle in their mouth.  When they were preschoolers, and would fall and hurt themselves, I would swoop in and pull them close, and then run to the kitchen grabbing some ice and a Popsicle.  Even now when I want to hear the word “fine” for hours, I hug my 6 foot tall boys and then take them for breakfast.

Really, I don’t think my instincts are changing. The nature of our conversations, how dependent they are on me, and how much I am a nag is absolutely changing.  They need me less and less, or maybe just in different ways. But I’ve come to the conclustion who I am as a mom is not evolving. I still speak truth to them when they don’t want to hear it. I forget to mail things to them. I listen when they need someone to hear them. I mom-uber them around town. I listen to their trap music. And when it comes down to it, I just hold them and feed them.

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That’s the mom I’ve always been, and that’s the mom I’ll always be. And someday when I become a grandma, I’ll do the same with my grandkids.  I’m a hold -em-and-feed -em-mom. After all, everyone needs a hug and a breakfast taco.

What kind of mom are you?? Comment & Share

 

 

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5 Reasons Why My Daughter & I Are Better Than The Gilmore Girls

Alyssa made me watch it. She said, “Mom, you have to binge Gilmore Girls with me. They. Are. Us. ”

I wasn’t too thrilled. I had tried the show before via reruns and couldn’t get into it. Over/Cheesy-Acting…and Stars Hollow…I mean really, who names a town Stars Hollow?!

But I watched. Episode 1, then 2 …then 15. I was hooked. It was horrible, yet so, so good.

And every moment of seamless conversation between Lorelai and Rory made me miss my Alyssa even more. And I missed her so much, because she was right… Gilmore Girls…

They.
Are.
Us.

As I went on, and developed true emotional ties and family like love, I also developed family like dislike of some them. Surprisingly, I found myself really really hating–or rather STRONGLY DISLIKING–wait for it– LORELAI.

Saying I hated the mom was like saying I hated myself. I was dysfunctionally “ONE” with this show, seriously dysfunctional.

As I thought about my relationship with my daughter, I soon realized that we are so much better than the Gilmore Girls. Here are my 5 reasons why. It helps if you’ve seen the show, but even if you haven’t, I think you’ll be encouraged in your own relationships with your kids.

1. My daughter is not my entire purpose in life. Probably because I have 4 other children and a husband. But I think this is an important point to look at. It’s so great to have a close relationship with your kids, in fact, it’s one of the most fulfilling things in any mother’s life. But I don’t totally and completely depend on Alyssa for the purpose of my being. I see too many parents who put their kids at the foundation of their identity. ahem Lorelai.

2. As Rory grew up and moved away to college, Lorelai still wanted to know every intimate detail of Rory’s life. I absolutely want Alyssa to talk to me about things, in fact I want all of my kids to know that I am here for them in the most difficult of circumstances and just to chat about their favorite coffee shop. But I do not want to know when they are having sex or every intimate detail of their relationships. I want to speak truth and guide. I want to listen and be there when they can’t navigate on their own. I will ask questions but I absolutely refuse to invade their ability to make their own decisions and most importantly their own mistakes. I am a friend, but I am not their peer. At some point, I have to let go.

3. If Alyssa or my other children have a dream to go to specific college when they are 12, I won’t throw a temper tantrum if they change their mind at 18. In addition, if they take a break from college because they feel lost and confused at 19 I will not throw a temper tantrum and refuse to talk to them because they don’t do what I want or expect of them. Life is hard, even more so at those ages where you can’t legally buy beer. I had no clue what I was doing when I was 19 or 20 or 21. Hell, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing now. Alyssa, Cody, Zac, Karah & Kayla don’t need my emotional needs to cloud their judgment of their lives. I will err on the side of them finding their own way over me thinking I know what’s best (even though I probably do). My fears and failures aren’t their job to fix.

4. I am not so protective of my relationship with Alyssa, or any of my offspring, that I want to be the only adult in their lives they love and depend on. I encourage my kids to have other trusted adults in their lives they can talk to…especially about me. I’m not perfect(most days anyway) and sometimes they will struggle in their relationship with me. They need people they can talk to and get guidance from who aren’t so totally in love with them.

5. We have Jesus. This is really the most important reason. I know, I know, it was just a TV Show. But I hated how the Christian mother/daughter relationship in the show (Lane & Mrs. Kim) was so rigid and Pharisee-ical. It is so opposite of a real Christ-centered mother/daughter, parent/child relationship. Because we have Jesus, I can pray for my kids, and pray with them. I can lead them to a source of truth, not opinion or feeling. I can encourage them to become all that God created them to be, not all that I want them to be. When they don’t know where to college or who to marry or what to do with their future, we have a fearless, confident perspective that God will provide and He is Sovereign and everything will legitimately be okay.

Despite that I know we are better, I know we aren’t perfect. I know we are all just trying to do our best as moms. But I’m glad I found Lorelai & Rory.  I loved the Gilmore Girls. I loved how it brought me and Alyssa even closer. I love how it made me miss her and hug her tighter when I saw her. But I will say, most of all, I loved Kirk.

What did you love and hate about the Girls? Comment and let’s chat about it!

I Wish I Liked Coffee

Coffee is so trendy, and everyone is doing it. People are using their Keurigs while killing the environment, and spending the equivalent of a house payment at Starbucks every month. But I’m guessing, besides addiction, people actually like coffee. Me, on the other hand, I hate coffee. I hate the scent, I hate the taste, I hate the hot. Somehow coffee brings people together, like it’s some sort of club that only cool people who wear thick rimmed glasses and expensive costume jewelry can be a part of. It speaks a language, it does something, “Let’s have coffee.” “Do you want coffee? Yes, I would LOVE coffee, that’s so what I need right now!” And I’m standing there like….Sometimes I wonder if I liked coffee, perhaps I would have more friends, or different friends, or more intelligent conversations, or be able to tweet a pic of me sitting at a tiny table in a cool coffee house, with my computer, or book and a glimpse of my coffee in the background. Maybe.

I Wish I Was A Morning Person

One of my biggest struggles in school was the fact that my internal clock didn’t really start ticking until 5 or 6 in the evening. I would gain and still do gain a crazy amount of energy and be up until 3 or 4 the next morning. But then the alarm would go off at 7 and there was no possible way I could make myself get out of bed. Even now as a “grown up” (and I use that term loosely) I would much rather work in the evening and sleep during the day. But I sincerely wish I was a morning person. The world moves in the morning. Things happen. There is an energy and excitement that comes with the morning person club. Besides the fact that most of them drink coffee and are already in that club, now they work with others, do life as other do. No matter how I try I can’t force myself to like getting up in the morning. I can do it, but often need a nap at some point during the day, and I don’t like it. I have never ever, not once, ever was excited to be up early. I don’t spring out of bed, I crawl and moan and calculate. My morning thoughts are always figuring out when I get to go back to bed. I’m not sure if the whole thing is about me not being a morning person, or if I just really like to sleep. I really like to sleep.

I Wish I Was A Runner

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Another club I just don’t belong to is the running club, or the Crossfit club or any fitness club for that matter. I absolutely hate working out. It’s not my thing. I’m envious, though, of these women who can get a workout in, between selling their at-home business products, having their coffee, dropping off and picking up kids and cooking an all gluten-free-paleo-vegan dinner that everyone in the house just absolutely loved! I sincerely wish I could enjoy an hour on the elliptical and see the gym as a stress relieving environment. However, I do absolutely love yoga, but I’m normally too tired from staying up late the night before, and not drinking coffee to actually go to a class.

I Wish, I Wish, I Wish.

We all have those clubs we don’t belong to, or those talents we don’t have, or that time we never get. OR we can just love our non-coffee drinking selves, enjoy sleeping until 10 because your husband is awesome enough to take the kids to school, and proudly count walking up and down your stairs as your daily exercise.

It’s exhausting to constantly think of all the things we can’t be or just aren’t. Somedays are harder than others, all the pressure, all the pretty people. And that’s not something that I wish: to be more exhausted.

I mean, I love that that we are all created by this artist and there are these seeming flaws that are really intentional perfections. Dont’ wish, we can just be.

LG|LP

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No Mercy, Kids! No. Mercy.

Zac’s been home sick a few days. I was so over hearing “I’m bored!” “There’s nothing to do!” “I don’t want to be sick anymore!”

I decided to be a great mom, like a super great mom. We turned on some National Geographic Show about polar bears brutally eating innocent little baby seal, ate pizza and played cards. When playing games with my kids, my rule is: No Mercy. (Well okay, maybe a little.) But the one thing I will NOT do is let my kids win.

Sounds mean, doesn’t it?

We were playing Skip Bo and Zac only had one card left in his pile, I had four. He was so arrogant, just knowing he was going to win. But then mom AND

Boom

 

But the thing is, Zac doesn’t lose well:

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He was so mad, he threw the cards everywhere and stomped his way upstairs.  I sat and patiently waited for him to come back down and pick them all up. It took a good 20 minutes or so before he worked through his tragic loss and picked up the cards.   I thanked him and we moved on.

I just don’t “get” the everyone deserves a trophy, where we don’t take score, and all kids are winners. Life doesn’t work that way. Life is way harsh and mean. Losing well is a necessity in life. We spend way more time on this earth losing, than winning. If our kids can lose well, even at a game, then they will be more prepared to deal with the real losses, the ones that actually matter.

What do you think? Do you let your kid win at games? Comment below.

Let’s Chat!!

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10 Things To Teach Your Daughter

I pain at the thought of my daughter leaving for college, but it’s happening. In less than a year, she will be off in the world, the cold, harsh world. I keep telling myself that the first year is my test. My LSAT, my SAT, my GMAT. It will be the time to see if I did my job well as a parent. I am suspecting I got lots of things right, but I still have nine months or so to ‘cram’. I know I”ve taught her character, and empathy and love. But I have a laundry list of things I need to make sure she knows before she leaves.

1. FINANCES: I need her to know how to budget, how to save and how to balance her account. This is is something I was never taught and it still bites me in the butt!

2. CHURCH: go to church even if you don’t feel like it. It’s a priority. Church will make sense even if th wrld doesn’t.

3. IRONING: I watched my grandmother iron all my Poppy’s shirts for the week. I was never really taught, but I watched. My mom was a working mom and everything was sent off to the cleaners (which to this day is my preference! Thanks mom!!) But she needs to know how to iron, the cleaners isn’t always in the budget–which I will teach her first, remember?

4. COOK: I want to teach her to cook (5) full meals from memory. Anyone can follow a recipe. But cooking from memory is when you really learn–and make mistakes.

5. GROCERY SHOPPING: My daughter can shop for clothes like a master. In fact, rarely do I shop without her because she’s so Boss at it. But grocery shopping is a whole other bag of tricks. It seems easy and logical, but really it’s not. To be able to shop on a budget and your food be able to last you as long as you need it is an art! Trust me, I’m the Master at this!!!

6. MEDICATION: I was in my 30’s before I knew the real difference between Motrin and Tylenol. I want her to know what she is putting in her body and side effects.

7. DOCTOR VISITS: I want her to be able to communicate effectively with her doctor without me around. I don’t want her to shy away from the intimidation of doctors. I want her to take control of her health and fight until she gets answers.

8. CAR MAINTENANCE: I want her to know basic mechanics and how things work. She needs to know what a raditor does, how to fill the wiper fluid and what to do if her blinker goes out–especially that there is no such thing as Blinker Fluid — but that’s a story for another time.

9. TOOLS: I want her to know the difference between a hammer and screwdriver, a wrench and pliers. She doesn’t ever have to use them if she doesn’t need to, but I think she needs to know what they are.

10. DRAINS: How to unclog a drain. With our long hair and constant showers, our drains are about to get all backed up. It is necessary for a woman to know how to pour some DRANO down the sink!!

Luckily she is amazing at housework (it’s her OCD) and knows how to sew on a button. She is committed to learning to sew on a machine and knows how to set goals and accomplish them. I am certain she can teach me a thing or two, or three.

I don’t want her to go into this world unprepared. I want her to be empowered with the knowledge of simple things. What am I missing? What are important practical things you are teaching your daughter?

COMMENT AND SHARE WITH ME! I don’t want to screw this up!

 

LG|LP