Alyssa made me watch it. She said, “Mom, you have to binge Gilmore Girls with me. They. Are. Us. ”
I wasn’t too thrilled. I had tried the show before via reruns and couldn’t get into it. Over/Cheesy-Acting…and Stars Hollow…I mean really, who names a town Stars Hollow?!
But I watched. Episode 1, then 2 …then 15. I was hooked. It was horrible, yet so, so good.
And every moment of seamless conversation between Lorelai and Rory made me miss my Alyssa even more. And I missed her so much, because she was right… Gilmore Girls…
As I went on, and developed true emotional ties and family like love, I also developed family like dislike of some them. Surprisingly, I found myself really really hating–or rather STRONGLY DISLIKING–wait for it– LORELAI.
Saying I hated the mom was like saying I hated myself. I was dysfunctionally “ONE” with this show, seriously dysfunctional.
As I thought about my relationship with my daughter, I soon realized that we are so much better than the Gilmore Girls. Here are my 5 reasons why. It helps if you’ve seen the show, but even if you haven’t, I think you’ll be encouraged in your own relationships with your kids.
1. My daughter is not my entire purpose in life. Probably because I have 4 other children and a husband. But I think this is an important point to look at. It’s so great to have a close relationship with your kids, in fact, it’s one of the most fulfilling things in any mother’s life. But I don’t totally and completely depend on Alyssa for the purpose of my being. I see too many parents who put their kids at the foundation of their identity. ahem Lorelai.
2. As Rory grew up and moved away to college, Lorelai still wanted to know every intimate detail of Rory’s life. I absolutely want Alyssa to talk to me about things, in fact I want all of my kids to know that I am here for them in the most difficult of circumstances and just to chat about their favorite coffee shop. But I do not want to know when they are having sex or every intimate detail of their relationships. I want to speak truth and guide. I want to listen and be there when they can’t navigate on their own. I will ask questions but I absolutely refuse to invade their ability to make their own decisions and most importantly their own mistakes. I am a friend, but I am not their peer. At some point, I have to let go.
3. If Alyssa or my other children have a dream to go to specific college when they are 12, I won’t throw a temper tantrum if they change their mind at 18. In addition, if they take a break from college because they feel lost and confused at 19 I will not throw a temper tantrum and refuse to talk to them because they don’t do what I want or expect of them. Life is hard, even more so at those ages where you can’t legally buy beer. I had no clue what I was doing when I was 19 or 20 or 21. Hell, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing now. Alyssa, Cody, Zac, Karah & Kayla don’t need my emotional needs to cloud their judgment of their lives. I will err on the side of them finding their own way over me thinking I know what’s best (even though I probably do). My fears and failures aren’t their job to fix.
4. I am not so protective of my relationship with Alyssa, or any of my offspring, that I want to be the only adult in their lives they love and depend on. I encourage my kids to have other trusted adults in their lives they can talk to…especially about me. I’m not perfect(most days anyway) and sometimes they will struggle in their relationship with me. They need people they can talk to and get guidance from who aren’t so totally in love with them.
5. We have Jesus. This is really the most important reason. I know, I know, it was just a TV Show. But I hated how the Christian mother/daughter relationship in the show (Lane & Mrs. Kim) was so rigid and Pharisee-ical. It is so opposite of a real Christ-centered mother/daughter, parent/child relationship. Because we have Jesus, I can pray for my kids, and pray with them. I can lead them to a source of truth, not opinion or feeling. I can encourage them to become all that God created them to be, not all that I want them to be. When they don’t know where to college or who to marry or what to do with their future, we have a fearless, confident perspective that God will provide and He is Sovereign and everything will legitimately be okay.
Despite that I know we are better, I know we aren’t perfect. I know we are all just trying to do our best as moms. But I’m glad I found Lorelai & Rory. I loved the Gilmore Girls. I loved how it brought me and Alyssa even closer. I love how it made me miss her and hug her tighter when I saw her. But I will say, most of all, I loved Kirk.
What did you love and hate about the Girls? Comment and let’s chat about it!