Do Moms Evolve?

I’m a mom of grown-ups now. My girls are in other towns and make their own choices, and don’t have curfews and go grocery shopping. I have no idea what brand of toilet paper they use. Even though my boys are still home, sometimes they only speak these words to me: It’s fine, I’m fine, It was fine, ok, yah cool.

I’m wondering as they grow and change, am I changing as a mom?

When they were babies and would cry, I would hold them, and “shushhh” them and then put a bottle in their mouth.  When they were preschoolers, and would fall and hurt themselves, I would swoop in and pull them close, and then run to the kitchen grabbing some ice and a Popsicle.  Even now when I want to hear the word “fine” for hours, I hug my 6 foot tall boys and then take them for breakfast.

Really, I don’t think my instincts are changing. The nature of our conversations, how dependent they are on me, and how much I am a nag is absolutely changing.  They need me less and less, or maybe just in different ways. But I’ve come to the conclustion who I am as a mom is not evolving. I still speak truth to them when they don’t want to hear it. I forget to mail things to them. I listen when they need someone to hear them. I mom-uber them around town. I listen to their trap music. And when it comes down to it, I just hold them and feed them.

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That’s the mom I’ve always been, and that’s the mom I’ll always be. And someday when I become a grandma, I’ll do the same with my grandkids.  I’m a hold -em-and-feed -em-mom. After all, everyone needs a hug and a breakfast taco.

What kind of mom are you?? Comment & Share

 

 

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READ AT END OF GAME: 7 Ways March Madness is REAL LIFE

Tonight is the BIG GAME!!
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Gonzaga v UNC

March. Madness.

March Madness 2017 has been….ummm…er…well…it’s M.A.D.N.E.S.S.

I love to watch basketball anyway, but bring on the GO BIG OR GO HOME competition and I can’t get enough. Last year, I had wisdom and insight and brilliance to share. And this year, I have even more.

Watching March Madness  always brings a reflection of the realties of life. Secretly that’s why so many people love it, even those who don’t normally watch basketball. March Madness is a distraction from what the world tries to sell us as what life “should” be like…when really, life is like this:

1. Like in this crazy college basketball tournament, SOMETIMES YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO WIN, BUT YOU LOSE. There is nothing I love to hear a sports commentator say more than the word “upset”. I will admit, I get choked up sometimes when the seniors on the bench start crying knowing it’s their last game.   But it’s like that in life, too. We go into things expecting to finish well, or to get that promotion, or to take our dreams to the next level, and then life outscores us, and we lose.

2. The opposite is true as well.  SOMETIMES WE LOSE, BUT THEN WE END UP WINNING. I love rooting for the underdog. It’s great to me when these teams come in and everyone expects them to be out first round, but then BOOM! And then that team, no one expects to win, makes it to round 2 and then 3. We know those moments, when it seems all the cards are stacked against us in life, but we find something inside to keep going, and we end up beating the situation, or getting that job and we even surprise ourselves!

3. One of the most amazing moments of Madness this year was FLORIDA v. WISCONSIN. The game was tied at the end of overtime. Florida inbounds the ball with just 2 seconds left. Wisconsin plans to let time run out so they can take the game into double overtime. But not Florida.  Florida just kept playing to win. And on the buzzer, Chris Chiozza shot the ball for a 3 and Florida advances, and Wisconsin goes home. In life, we have to be like Chiozza: WE CAN NEVER, EVER GIVE UP. No matter how grim the circumstances may be, or how the ending seems to look…we can NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP.

4. Winning in life doesn’t just happen. In real life, we aren’t handed trophies. Participation medals give us no feelings of satisfaction or accomplishment. WE HAVE TO FIGHT TO WIN.

5. Over 5 million people watch each round of March Madness. That’s a lot of eyes on these players. Every move they make is under the scrutiny and opinion of commentators, other coaches, classmates, strangers and trolls. But, hey, no pressure.  In life, there are moments we feel EVERYONE IS WATCHING US. That no matter what we do, good or bad, we are being judged, graded, or criticized. That pressure can be overwhelming. Unlike these basketball games, often times we aren’t really being watched, but that doesn’t take way the fear that we are.

6. When Zac was 9 or so, I coached his basketball team. All it took was for me to coach one season to know that I was not cut out for that job. I struggled to put the right players in at the right time, and to keep myself from yelling at the refs, and even more so, to restrain myself from fighting with other coaches. I love watching the coaches during games as much as the players, because it’s a hard job.  But the players from all of these schools need direction and guidance.  They need someone yelling at refs for injustice, they need someone giving them a game plan. And just like them, in life, WE ALL NEED A COACH.  ( Jesus is a great one! If you haven’t signed up for his team yet, you should check into it.  If you have, and you haven’t let him actually coach you, you should probably stop trying to be the coach of your own life, because no one on your team is going to like you.)

7. Basketball is a team sport. Everyone has a job. When Zac plays, his job is to rebound and go right back up with the ball. He can’t do what the point guard does.  Zac is 6ft tall, the point guard on his team is probably 4’5.  (I witnessed him dribble through the legs of an opposing team member this past weekend, he is so short).  We all have a place, and we can’t play the team sport of life alone.  WE ALL NEED A TEAM to pass the ball to, to go in for us so we can rest, and to slap us on the butt when we’ve made a great play! Get you a team, and practice life with them, so when the big game comes, you know that you have each other’s backs and you are all working toward the same goal!

I busted my bracket the 1st Round.  But I keep watching…. and in life, I will lose. I will fight, I will ride the bench. I will want to give up, and then I’ll hear my coach yell, “Push YOURSELF!” And in the end, I will win. I will win because while I’m on the journey, facing game after game, I know I’m on the right team. And that makes all the difference.
GO UNC! Who are you rooting for? What do you love the most about MARCH MADNESS?

Can Anyone Explain This To Me?

I don’t understand it.

I’ve researched and compared.

I’ve tilted my head left.

I’ve tilted my head right.

Nothing.

So I’m turning to you, my trusted friends, to calm my nerves, to ease my soul.

Can someone, anyone, please explain to me the newest obsession with leggings that are uniquely patterned?

I’m talking about the leggings that are all the rage. And you are suppose to wear them in public around people. To a place like the mall, or to meet your husband for lunch or like to grab a drink with friends. I don’t want to grab a drink with friends wearing these:

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Or even these:

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Or not even these:

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Not here nor there not anywhere, I will not wear them on a boat, I will not wear them with a goat.

Seriously though, can ANYONE give me a good argument for this legging nonsense that is taking over the suburbs and brainwashing all of the moms and women with ‘active lifestyles’, and multiple children. This movement that is somehow convincing normally trendy and sane women that leggings with cats on them is not just acceptable but “cute”.

I can’t even with this.

What do you think? Do you like this legging trend that is trying to infiltrate our homes and marriages? I’m just saying, if I came downstairs wearing pineapple print leggings that cost $55 my husband would actually say to me : WTF ?!

Comment below and tell me your thoughts.

P.S. I’m sorry if you own some.  We can still be friends, we just can’t have drinks while you wear them.  ❤️

How My Big 4-0 Went From A Bang to Fizzle

On my 39th birthday, I raised my glass and made a declaration, “I’m going to Vegas for my 40th!”
“Let’s do it!” They chanted.
“I’m in!” they yelled.
As the months went by, we contacted travel agents, picked dates and hotels. We were absolutely going to Vegas for my 40th birthday.
Then Christmas came and decisions needed to be made.  I really needed a new camera if I was going to take my photography seriously. I was forced to make a practical decision, a Canon over a Plane Ticket.
My husband is constantly trying to make my birthday special, so he promised to celebrate me… I hate celebrating me. Every year for 39 years I have absolutely hated my birthday. I have hated the attention, I do NOT like surprises ( DO. NOT.) and don’t like the moments of reflection that birthdays cause for me. My 30th sent me into a 6 month depression. I got a cake stand and a mud scraper for my front porch.  Nothing says your getting old like a mud scraper.
The weeks leading up to my big day, my man made plans and calls and surprised me… not with Vegas, but with Austin, to go see a Motown Band that I absolutely love. We made the reservations, my mom bought me a super cute black dress and OH! the Michael Kors heels I found on sale at Dillard’s, and I never go to Dillard’s.  It was meant to be.
Exactly one week before the big 4-0, Michael and I sat down to our Valentine’s day lunch and my phone buzzes, “HI, this is the nurse from Zac’s school…”
His lungs.
His chest.
He needs to be picked up.
I remained hopeful he would heal. My Bestie from Florida came to visit for a few days and kept me focused on fun, ushering in my new decade with an embrace.
And then Saturday night came, “Mom, I can’t breathe.”
One ER visit….then 5 hours later another….
and then this happened….
We canceled our reservations in time to get a refund and then hung out in the intermediate care unit crossing our fingers (and saying our prayers) that l would at least to get to sleep in my own bed for my birthday.
But instead, I kicked it old school and celebrated my 40th in the hospital where I celebrated my very birth.  My best friend brought me presents, my other super great friend brought me Nothing Bundt Cake, Zac was feeling better. My plans of embracing 40 were a bust, but I seriously didn’t even care anymore. I just wanted to sleep.
I did finally get my rest in my own bed. And OH! that nice long, glorious shower.  A new weekend was upon us, and a group of my homegirls were determined to not let my birthday slip by without a bang….so a bang it was.
Kidnapped at (nerf) gunpoint, I was taken to dinner and dancing and to sleepover.  Zac said, “Mom, you should wear your heels.”  So I did.
While I was gone my husband worked tirelessly to refinish my grandmother’s vanity for me and re-did our room! He said that wasn’t my present, but it was a beautiful gift. For my Big Birthday he wanted to buy me a tattoo…I so desperately wanted a tattoo, but I needed a laptop.  So yes, I went practical and got a new laptop instead.
Zac isn’t out of the woods, he’s missed so. much. school and we go to see the specialist next week.
As for me, I’m done celebrating this birthday and most likely every other one. Now that I’m 40 I know so much. It’s amazing what you learn, BANG, just like that. I know that I”m grateful we didn’t have plans to go to Vegas, because I may not have been there when Zac got sick. I know that birthdays just aren’t my thing, and I don’t have to pretend that they are. I also know that sometimes a fizzle is just practicality and practicality sometimes is what takes you the furthest in life. And you can go anywhere you want in Michael Kors heels.
What big “BANGS” in life have you had planned that just slowly fizzled?  Comment and share with me.

5 Reasons Why My Daughter & I Are Better Than The Gilmore Girls

Alyssa made me watch it. She said, “Mom, you have to binge Gilmore Girls with me. They. Are. Us. ”

I wasn’t too thrilled. I had tried the show before via reruns and couldn’t get into it. Over/Cheesy-Acting…and Stars Hollow…I mean really, who names a town Stars Hollow?!

But I watched. Episode 1, then 2 …then 15. I was hooked. It was horrible, yet so, so good.

And every moment of seamless conversation between Lorelai and Rory made me miss my Alyssa even more. And I missed her so much, because she was right… Gilmore Girls…

They.
Are.
Us.

As I went on, and developed true emotional ties and family like love, I also developed family like dislike of some them. Surprisingly, I found myself really really hating–or rather STRONGLY DISLIKING–wait for it– LORELAI.

Saying I hated the mom was like saying I hated myself. I was dysfunctionally “ONE” with this show, seriously dysfunctional.

As I thought about my relationship with my daughter, I soon realized that we are so much better than the Gilmore Girls. Here are my 5 reasons why. It helps if you’ve seen the show, but even if you haven’t, I think you’ll be encouraged in your own relationships with your kids.

1. My daughter is not my entire purpose in life. Probably because I have 4 other children and a husband. But I think this is an important point to look at. It’s so great to have a close relationship with your kids, in fact, it’s one of the most fulfilling things in any mother’s life. But I don’t totally and completely depend on Alyssa for the purpose of my being. I see too many parents who put their kids at the foundation of their identity. ahem Lorelai.

2. As Rory grew up and moved away to college, Lorelai still wanted to know every intimate detail of Rory’s life. I absolutely want Alyssa to talk to me about things, in fact I want all of my kids to know that I am here for them in the most difficult of circumstances and just to chat about their favorite coffee shop. But I do not want to know when they are having sex or every intimate detail of their relationships. I want to speak truth and guide. I want to listen and be there when they can’t navigate on their own. I will ask questions but I absolutely refuse to invade their ability to make their own decisions and most importantly their own mistakes. I am a friend, but I am not their peer. At some point, I have to let go.

3. If Alyssa or my other children have a dream to go to specific college when they are 12, I won’t throw a temper tantrum if they change their mind at 18. In addition, if they take a break from college because they feel lost and confused at 19 I will not throw a temper tantrum and refuse to talk to them because they don’t do what I want or expect of them. Life is hard, even more so at those ages where you can’t legally buy beer. I had no clue what I was doing when I was 19 or 20 or 21. Hell, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing now. Alyssa, Cody, Zac, Karah & Kayla don’t need my emotional needs to cloud their judgment of their lives. I will err on the side of them finding their own way over me thinking I know what’s best (even though I probably do). My fears and failures aren’t their job to fix.

4. I am not so protective of my relationship with Alyssa, or any of my offspring, that I want to be the only adult in their lives they love and depend on. I encourage my kids to have other trusted adults in their lives they can talk to…especially about me. I’m not perfect(most days anyway) and sometimes they will struggle in their relationship with me. They need people they can talk to and get guidance from who aren’t so totally in love with them.

5. We have Jesus. This is really the most important reason. I know, I know, it was just a TV Show. But I hated how the Christian mother/daughter relationship in the show (Lane & Mrs. Kim) was so rigid and Pharisee-ical. It is so opposite of a real Christ-centered mother/daughter, parent/child relationship. Because we have Jesus, I can pray for my kids, and pray with them. I can lead them to a source of truth, not opinion or feeling. I can encourage them to become all that God created them to be, not all that I want them to be. When they don’t know where to college or who to marry or what to do with their future, we have a fearless, confident perspective that God will provide and He is Sovereign and everything will legitimately be okay.

Despite that I know we are better, I know we aren’t perfect. I know we are all just trying to do our best as moms. But I’m glad I found Lorelai & Rory.  I loved the Gilmore Girls. I loved how it brought me and Alyssa even closer. I love how it made me miss her and hug her tighter when I saw her. But I will say, most of all, I loved Kirk.

What did you love and hate about the Girls? Comment and let’s chat about it!