Why I Can’t Sleep or Find The Perfect Shoe

It’s official. I’m a Texan again. We recently spent $800 replacing our license plates, and the world now knows I’m not “from Florida”. I wish I could shout my excitement but …nope…. I got nothin’.

I went to lunch with a friend the other day and she asked me why I moved back to San Antonio. I answered her as honestly as possible.

I have no idea!

I loved Florida and all it stood for to me– independence and opportunity. Texas is, well, to me it feels like a step backward. It feels like soupy foggy dense air and extreme heat. It feels like a wanna-be hustling city with people hurrying up to drive on roads that lead to nowhere. It feels like a memory but it doesn’t feel like home.

I’ve been desperate to feel at home. It’s probably why I am so heartsick that we haven’t found a church, or community. It’s probably why I don’t sleep at night.

But I’m trying to find my place. I think most of us spend our entire lives trying to do that–trying to find our place. And some of us do for awhile before we are called elsewhere. Then, some of us stay comfy in the realm of the regular. But probably most of us, most of us are still searching. Like trying to find a good pair of shoes on the sale rack at Macy’s. We keep trying different styles, colors, brands, hoping that eighth pair of shoes will fit and be around $20.

People keep telling me “just wait it will come.” But I can’t ‘just wait’. I can’t be like the wife pacing in the surgical waiting room wondering when the doctor is going to come out with an update. Then, only to see the door swing open and be horribly disappointed at the sight of a custodian pulling a trash can through. Waiting is disappointing.

Instead I have to be patient.

Patience develops as a result of the Spirit establishing your heart toward God. It is an active faith. And during those times of lull and valley and frustration and nothingness, patience is the great anticipation that all of who God says he is, is right. It is knowing.

Like the bride patient for her dad to say, “It’s time.” Knowing her groom is waiting, she takes a deep breath and a one simple step toward love. Or the woman pregnant with twins feeling her water break, knowing her life will be forever changed. Or the child climbing on her grandmother’s lap to be rocked, knowing she will find safety and comfort there.

Patience is a great faith led by the anticipation of a great King, no, a kind Father, keeping His promises. It is painful and difficult to have patience but worth so much more than simply waiting.



5 thoughts on “Why I Can’t Sleep or Find The Perfect Shoe

  1. I recently moved back to Florida after a 6 year “visit” to Tennessee. I grew up in TN and couldn’t wait to someday live in FL which finally happened in 1995. Six years ago I heard God’s still, small voice (actually it was more like a loud shout from a burning bush) say “move to Tennessee.” My initial reaction was “wait, what?” I couldn’t believe God would ask such a thing of me, lol. I returned to TN somewhat reluctantly and now that I’m back in Florida I can see how God’s hand was upon that whole season of my life and what a blessing it was to be back home for those 6 years – glad it’s over but it was good while I was there 🙂

    1. Thanks for your encouragement! I had a little talk with God last week and told him I would stay in Texas four years and that’s all. I’m pretty certain he laughed at me. I’m looking forward to my God story!

  2. He has such a sense of humor in sending us to where we don’t want to go. I think sometimes He does it just for the laughs because I know my time in Tennessee, which involved my grandmother living with us from age 96 to 101, must have been one continuous source of comic relief for the heavenlies. Can’t say I found much humor in it at the time but now I can look back and see what a hilarious reality show it would have made, lol. Can’t wait to hear your stories and insights to God’s plan for your life 🙂

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