But not to Oklahoma. I wish I were, but right now I’m sifting through the events that happened in my mind and heart yesterday. Everything in me said: Go. For some of you who know me, you know I always dream big, and want the impossible. It’s crazy to think that traveling a few hundred miles is “the impossible” but for us it truly is. Well for now anyway.
I’m still determined to go, and I thank the handful of you–well the two of you–who offered to support me financially. Not sure when I will head there, probably in July some time. Like my sweet friend reminded me: the rebuilding will go on much longer after the media leaves. I plan on being there, because Jesus told me to go, so I firmly believe God has something for me to do there. In the meantime, I will bask in the revelations of yesterday:
1. God is speaking to me–in a loud, clear voice, and I am listening. After feeling as if I’ve been sitting in a silent white-walled room. alone. for a few months now, it was refreshing to feel the quickening of my spirit.
2. My family lives in a bubble. We like our bubble. We are comfortable in our bubble. We get angry when someone tries to pop our bubble.
3. My marriage is too focused on surviving the craziness of our family and our world, and needs to take time to adjust our eyes and our hearts.
4. I was hoping someone else’s disaster would save me from pushing through and doing the difficult task of changing my parenting and my perspective. I was hoping this tornado would cause some sort of upheaval in my own spirit, in the souls of my family, and save us in a sense.
5. This is all a process. I hate process. God is taking me through another process. UGH!
So many stories and blogs of people helping those in need, but in a sense the victims of the tragedy are helping me. They are helping me to change my perspective of the significance of this life we live. Each of their stories empower me to make change. Their resilience encourages me to take a stand against apathy and laziness, as they strive to rebuild their lives, literally from the ground up. Their dependence on their faith and their public acknowledgement of God in midst of the storm reminds me that nothing is able to knock any of us over, even if the most precious is stripped of our lives. He is there.
Tonight I will gather 25 or so teenagers in my living room and we will discuss how we will make a difference in the lives of the people in Oklahoma, and in the process God will make a difference in ours.
It’s not over….it’s all just beginning, and this is just the first step on a new journey.
You are loved,