When Alyssa came home from the Dominican, her leaders warned de-briefed her about living in America after being exposed to the Third World. Ever since then, she has struggled with balancing between the realities of poverty and the acceptance of being privileged. By American standards, we are lower middle class–struggling, lower middle class, but compared to the batay’s filled with refugees and the street kids, we might as well be bazillion-aires.
I, too struggle with this balance but mine is living in this world while being a citizen of the Kingdom of God. From moment to moment, I waver between accepting that my trials are to be rejoiced over, and pursuing one of my brilliantly thought out solutions to my problems on my own.
I want to move to a permanent address in my faith but find myself so consumed with things, worrying about our future, and making sure my kids don’t really know how bad things are. The obstacle grows more difficult when I’m surrounded by people who consume things without a flinch, have no fear of the future, and have no concerns to hide from their kids. It seems so unfair.
Now I know the truth. I know that everyone has their struggles, that the future is unsure and that kids can’t be completely oblivious, it will only harm them. But still I find myself moving up and down the see-saw of lies and truth, wondering why I can’t just jump off the ride and land in the stillness of Christ.
I know that I’m not the only one. Certainly each of you struggle with finding the balance in some part of your life. Maybe it’s between work and home. Maybe it’s trying to give your husband and your kids enough attention. Perhaps you can’t even find the time to take a shower.
We are not alone. As moms, wives–as women, we struggle between what is expected of us by our families and our society, and what we were created to be–faith-filled, children of a powerful and loving God. Whatever the imbalance, I’m desperately seeking solid ground.