I’m sitting at the pool listening to two young women lament over their relationships. Some would call it eavesdropping, I call it research. One beatiful young girl with blonde hair and a black swimsuit waved her hands in angry circles while chatting with her dark headed friend.
“He makes more money then me but I pay all the bills.” I looked for a ring to see if this was a marital problem but couldn’t figure it out right away. Then she talked about having to pay for the wedding and all of her savings were depleted.
He pays his truck payment-$520 a month, half the rent, and for his 4-wheeler-$250 a month. She pays the rest. She pays all the house bills, her education bills, their entertainment expenses. Only one of his paychecks are accounted for. She has no idea where the rest of his money goes. She is looking for a job that pays more. She’s frustrated. But they made the agreement that his money was his and her money was hers.
Everything in me wanted to march right over there with my heart full of wisdom and smack them both upside their perfectly pony-tailed heads. Here is what I would say:
Ladies, do yourselves a favor and heed my wisdom. You can’t be married and live separately in any shape or form. When God unites you, he unites all of you…your minds, your emotions, your spirits and even everything in the physical. The reason you are so frustrated is because you are going against your new nature. It will continue to be frustrating until you learn to live and think differently. As a married couple, you should be able to ask your husband about his paychecks and account for every dime both of you earn and spend. You will constantly live divided if you continue to live this way. And this division will only be the beginning. LIving separately will slowly and methodically infilterate every other part of your relationship. It will become unbearable. Ladies, did you know that money issues are one of the main causes of divorce in America?
Ladies, do yourselves a favor and be the one to take the responsible, mature path in all of this. Figure out how to manage all of your income, if necessary. Seek outside help, stop allowing excuses. Oh wait, your not married yet? Then ladies, really do yourselves a favor and resolve all of these issues BEFORE you get married. This is not something that will go away. If you don’t see eye to eye on money, you will certainly find there are other highly important issues you don’t agree on–like children, your future, your relationship outside of your marriage, your faith.
Ladies, everywhere, do yourselves a favor, and be willing to do the hard work and ask the hard questions with your significant other, husband or spouse to be. Marriage is not a joke, nor is it temporary. It is a living, breathing organism that requires your life being breathed into actively, everyday. If you aren’t ready for that kind of commitment, don’t live make believe and pretend that you are. If you’re not ready to really be married, then don’t get married.
All in a fun day at the pool.