PARENTING: The Fear in Not Knowing

The “I Don’t Know Girl” evolves quietly and slowly. As kids face more and more pressure to be accepted and perfect, and more and more rejection if they do something wrong, their ability to make decisions slowly dwindle. The “IDK Girl” struggles with self confidence which encourages individuality.

The fear of making the wrong choice will lead to the possibility of being ridiculed or looked down on. If a teenager says, I want to eat _______ and her friends don’t like that idea, then maybe she will feel like an outcast.

If she likes something on her pizza like anchovies or pineapple, she may hear judgement, she may hear, “gross!” If what I like is gross, then what I am is gross, perhaps??

If the IDK girl wears the wrong thing to school, she fears not measuring up. The WRONG shoes, a shirt NOT bought from the RIGHT place, a purse NOT costing $200.

The pattern here: teenage girls want to fit in, even at the expense of not having their own identity. I see a growing pattern in girls working hard to create a NON-identity, simply wanting to blend in, even mortified if they stand out in any way. Individuality comes at a high price. But so does not being yourself. Constant fear ends up controlling every thought of the young girls of the Y generation.

Fear of rejection
Fear of failure
Fear of judgement
Fear of ridicule
Fear of being alone

Have you experienced girls being judged for trying to establish their individuality?

What do you think is going to happen in adulthood for these girls?


2 thoughts on “PARENTING: The Fear in Not Knowing

  1. I would like clarification on what you mean by establishing ones individuality. Depending upon the clarification, if I am to shoot from the hip, sort of speak; I would say that the greatest cost to young girls is the fact that much of their issue is passed to them from their mothers. Mother’s divorcing their husbands. Mother’s working so hard that they do not actually teach their daughters how to be women of character. My experience dating girls from homes where the mother’s were disconnected from their husbands, I found to be more promiscuous. I lost girlfriends for being too prudish, as they would say. I was taught the scriptures from my birth and that marriage is the capital thing. I also witness at church people who were married. I realize that I am getting older and times are changing and becoming progressively evil. However, Jesus can change and break the cycle of destructive relationships. Some of the same girls I dated in my youth are now unmarried with live in guys. Girls who have the greatest chance of success in future relationships have more to do with the home relationship. If the foundation is removed, how can the girl stand? She leaves the home broken and enters a broken school who are all trying to fight for some sort of identity and the influencer there is usually based upon someone’s natural leadership ability and wealth.

    1. Yes, the breakdown of the family system is a main contributor to girls not knowing who they are. For boys as well, they lose their heritage. They don’t know where they are from–because of the turmoil in the home, they are uncertain of the future. Most of them don’t understand confidence in Christ–so there is a constant fight to believe in anything–even themselves!

      Thansk so much for your thoughts!

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