A Stranger. A Dad. A Friend.

Every other time or so I refresh my Facebook Homepage I get suggestions of who I should be friends with. In the last few months, this face keeps popping up, and everytime I try to ignore it, this eluding friend request brings me deeper into emotional turmoil.

I question: Should I be friends with my dad on facebook?!

My dad has never been a part of my life. I have met him a few times when I was very young, but I don’t recall much, except everyone told me that this stranger was my dad–whatever THAT meant.

A few days before my eighth birthday, my dad’s legal parental rights were terminated. My new step-dad wasn’t interested in adopting me, so at seven, I offically became fatherless. Years later, my older brother needed to know his heritage, his dna, and the answers to years of questions that were a result of all night conversations between the two of us. For a few years, there was a semi-thriving relationships between my brother and my dad (I called him a sperm donor for years, at the aggrevation of my mother, who was concerned everyone would think she was artifically inseminated or maybe even a lesbian.)

For whatever reason, the two of them had a falling out that I still don’t think has ever been really resolved. My dad just, once again, just sorta disappeared. Years later, my brother and I tried to confront him, invite him, beg him, plead him to be a part of our lives, he was never really interested.

My aunt–my dad’s sister–desired to be a part of our lives regardless of our dad’s poor choices, and so we kept in touch. She came to a birthday party for the kids once when she was town, we’ve gone to dinner. We’ve connected on Facebook.

Facebook has allowed me to connect with cousins I’ve never known, and even a step-sister that my dad raised. But now, him….

My brother, still in his heart wanting to be close to my dad, has friended him. My aunts and cousins, of course, are connected to him. So because of our common Facebook friends, I am asked every other day or so if I want my dad to be my friend?

Well of course, I do…but he hasn’t requested that friendship. So now, here is my question to you:

Should I friend my dad on facebook?

I sincerely want your thoughts and opinions. I’ve wrestled with this for months, talked with my husband and my kids, asked God what it all means….

I would love your insights…your wisdom from personal experience…your ideas. Please share them with me.

 

UPDATE:  Ironically, I just found out that today is my dad’s birthday.  ha! ( and this is one of the 2 photos I have with me and my dad together)

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5 thoughts on “A Stranger. A Dad. A Friend.

  1. Tiff, if he hasn’t requested friendship with you then if I were you, I wouldn’t bother with him! I don’t think he’s worth your time! I saw how he treated Ty…his love, if he’s even capable of love, is conditional…not like we know a father’s love should be. You and your kids are worth so much more.

    1. Thanks Carolyn, I appreciate it…It’s amazing how time works, and with each passing of events, we are forced to re-evaluate our lives, who we are, and why we are the way we are. I know that he would never be a FATHER to me, but I still find myself in awe of the situation–and still have to answer the question from my 7 year old on why my dad doesn’t love me. Sometimes, when I hear the kids talk about their dad, it is such a foreign concept to me, I have no idea what it means to have a deep, respecting admiration and love for a dad. ❤ Lots of love from Sunny Florida!

      1. People will continually disappoint us…only God will never fail us. Your dad doesn’t know what all he’s missing…not just with you and your kids, but he’s never seen Tris, Tate, Teagan, and T either…only Tyler when she was little. So sad…he will die a lonely old man, but by choice. He could have so much. I think the only reason he ever saw Ty was because of Mary, his wife at the time.

  2. Unfortunately this is a subject i know all too well about. But i think we both feel the same way about it. Of course i would want a relationship with my dad but i think most of all what i want is an answer. An answer to the question “why didn’t you want me?” Which always makes me sad to think about. But still after everything he hasn’t done, i would jump at the oppurtunity to be a part of his life. That might make me crazy but i can’t help it. I can’t tell you what you should do. All i can do is tell you to do what you feel is right for you.

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