I remember when I was little how old 30 seemed. Thirty was passed the age of college, and young and free. It seemed to be the age of having to be grown up and responsible, when body parts started aching and sagging. When it was too hard to bend over without aching in pain, and just seemed so…so….so… miserable.
When I turned thirty, I recounted all these things. On the day of my family get together, I received gifts that verified the hypothesis of my youth–a cupcake tree, a pie plate and a mud-scrapper for my front porch. Soon after, my husband would come home from work only to find me in the fetal position in some random spot in our room crying in depression.
I hated thirty, I fought against thirty…and now, five years closer to forty, I finally submit to thirty.
Today is my 35th birthday, and like all birthdays it is the day I am forced to re-call the years that have gone before and refine the hopes of the years to come. I have fought so many things in my life, and raged and rebelled in order to find comfort for the hurts and fears.
I have lived a lifetime of hating birthdays because to me, it has always been a reminder of my birth…well, duh? Isn’t that why it’s called a birthday?! Why yes! Yes, you are so wise. But for me, that wasn’t always a beautiful reminder. I didn’t always embrace my life, I felt rejected and abandoned. I felt hopeless and purpose-less, if that’s even a word.
But now, now my life is so different. At thirty-five I can embrace that God has a plan for my life, and that he has used me in HIS plan for redemption in the lives of many. Thirty-Five brings a complete and total acceptance of my not only my present life, but the journey that has brought me to this place.
Thirty-five embeds a deep sense of gratitude and deeply rooted love for my husband and my children. Thirty-five is a picture of what can come in the next part of my life. A life filled with the blessing, favor and prosperity of being a child of the Most High. The strength to push through difficulties, and the perseverance to not give up on the dreams I have for my life–the dreams I believe that God has for my life.
Thirty-five is my number– THE number– that will determine how I choose to continue the race, and weather or not I will finish well.
What’s your number?! Comment and share with me.