I originally posted this on my first blog (everyseasonunderheaven.blogspot.com) in January of 2010. I’m reminded again in my life right now because, well, I’m running a marathon. Aren’t you? Isn’t your life just one long process, with no end in sight, just another step toward some unwritten, unspoken Holy goal? YAH, well lucky you if your life is nicely packaged and ready to go. If not my back, God finds a million other ways to show me that my relationship with him–my growing into the strong oak of righteousness, is a life long process.
I must say I truly know the meaning of moving forward one step at a time now. When I pulled the muscle in my lower back, the pain set in and permeated into my hips and legs. By Saturday I could barely move by Sunday I wasn’t walking at all and ended up in the hospital.
So picture this, my kids slept on an air mattress in my room Saturday night just in case I needed them. Sunday morning I had to get out of bed to use the restroom, but they were so quiet cute sleeping and I didn’t want to wake them.
So I shimmy-ed outta bed, and realized I couldn’t stand. So I decided I could crawl to the bathroom, I got down on all fours and couldn’t move. I sat there, laughing at myself, crying at my pain and wondering what in the world to do?!
I finally woke up the kids, and they helped me get back in bed. Then we decided I would try to walk to the bathroom…three steps later I turned back around and fell into the bed, wondering if going to the bathroom was over rated. So I laid there, and tried to figure out a plan to get me to that restroom.
So here’s what I came up with. Picture this:
Take the four kitchenette chairs and line them up toward the bathroom. I would scoot myself from chair to chair, while the kids were in charge of putting the chairs in a continuous line until I made my way to the bathroom. I was extremely pleased that I had been working on my upper arms at the gym, because I really needed those muscles. [you have permission to laugh hysterically at the vision in your head]
An hour later, I was finally back in bed, laying there, grateful for creativity and praying I wouldn’t have to pee again for the next, oh six days. I truly knew what it meant to move forward one step at a time. Every time I looked up to see how far away I was from the bathroom, or on the way back to the bed, I would get discouraged. It seemed so far, so impossible. But when I scooted myself one chair at a time, focusing only on my current movement, and praying with every heave-ho, I found myself in a do-able rhythm that allowed me to accomplish the task. It was a process, a v.e.r.y. s.l.o.w. process, but I made it. And I laughed at myself every step of the way. [insert your own laughter here]
I’m so against process. I’m all about the goal, I’m all about just getting there. Tell me what I’m suppose to do and I’ll get there, but I don’t like the process. God says don’t worry about tomorrow, God says don’t worry about the future. God says stay focused on the right now, the task I want you to accomplish right now. Keep your mind and eyes and entire life on me, I will get you through the process until we accomplish the goal together.
I read in my morning devotional from Beth Moore that we shouldn’t submit to an assignment, but submit to God. I fail at that. I normally submit to the assignment that God gives me. By doing this I’m missing the point completely. Every assignment I’m given by God is merely a task that will draw me closer to him. If I never draw close to him, lean on him, depend on him, stay focused on him, my assignment, even if accomplished successfully, only half of what God wanted was truly accomplished.
So as servants, children of God, seekers of God, we must stay focused only on Jesus, allowing him to take us through a process that doesn’t just complete an assignment but a process that completes us in Christ Jesus. And it took me throwing out my back to learn all that.
Just so you know, I still haven’t quite learned this lesson completely. I’ve learned that this incident was on the 101 of pursuing my Masters of taking things slowly, enjoying the journey, waiting on my daily manna, and laughing at myself every step of the way!