So I haven’t been blogging. Notice? I have, because I love to write and I haven’t been writing much. And as I dig deep into the pits of my soul I find about 50 reasons why I’m an Epic Fail as a blogger. I’ll share a few with you.
1. I’M CRAZY BUSY. Well, not really. It seems like I am. I have days that are consumed with appointments across town, and parent conferences, and homework( mine and the kids) and staff meetings. But then there are the days I don’t work much at all. What gets in my way is the lack of routine. My life is basically an arrhythmia–irregular beat. No rhyme or reason, today looks absolutely nothing like yesterday and tomorrow will be something completely different. So because of that, it takes the extra effort for me to “find time” to write.
2. I LIKE INSPIRED WRITING. I create best on inspiration–but who doesn’t?! So when there is a moment that I’m not particularly inspired, I put off writing, and then I end up not writing at all.
3. PERFECTIONISM. On the coat tails of inspired writing is this ugly monster inside of me called perfectionism. I’m my harshest critic, and when I don’t think my writing is “good” or to my standards, then it doesn’t get published. Perfectionism hinders creativity, and is an ugly form of fear of failure. I’m all exposed today.
4. I’M TIIRREED. [IN MY WHINY VOICE] I need lots of sleep. I have fibromyalgia and recently have been dealing with some other health issues that will most likely require some surgery. So sometimes, I just want to sleep. And then it seems when I’m awake, or energized, everything else takes priority.
5. AVOIDANCE. The more I avoid a task, the more I avoid a task, and the more I avoid a task…and then the more it runs from me. The more it runs, the less I chase it. Then I just feel guilty for not doing what I want to do, or set out to do, and it’s an ugly cycle.
6. SELFISH PRIDE. I want what I write to mean something. I want it to make a difference. I struggle with pride, needing accolades. I fight against writing for an audience of ONE–Just Jesus. I struggle with wanting YOU to be changed in some way by the words I write. I want to be proud of my writing, and I want to affect the world.
Notice a pattern in my excuses for being an Epic Fail? Yah me, too. It’s the word “I”. Somehow my writing is all about me, when my hearts desire is for it to be all about Jesus. I’m jumping the hurdles, slowly but surely. I’m persevering and fighting through my selfishness. I’m trying to mediate on these scriptures until they completely transform me, until I’m refined to use my gifts for God and God alone.
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. I Timothy 1:7
I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24
How about you? Is there an area of your life you feel like a failure in? How can God transform your thinking?