Blog Archives
Fear Of Wasting Time
Lots of you are wondering, okay some of you, okay two of you are wondering, what is going on in my life. A few post ago, I mentioned that God was doing something to rock my world and no doubt He has.
Last Sunday was my last week serving on a church plant. The 3 1/2 year journey has never ceased to surprise me and even shock me. God has humbled me by using me, and taught me about building His church. After all this time, I've grown but not sure I know much more.
But I'm stepping out trying to use my slightly increased knowledge and a tremendous amount of faith growing a ministry out of my house. A year ago I began ministering to the misfit teenagers in my neighborhood and community. And now, well, they just keep coming. I just keep feeding them (both spaghetti and spiritual). For some reason God wants me to keep doing it, and on top of that, all these other things.
So now, I'm without a paying job, without a church, and without a clue as what to do next. But I'm certain, pretty certain, that I'm exactly where I need to be. I just have to figure out exactly how to do it.
I have to find some rhythm in my days, and accomplish something, anything, before the sun goes down bringing in the night, which brings another day. My greatest fear in all of this is wasting time accomplishing nothing. I'm pretty good at nothing. I can do days and days of nothing. I'm hoping that this will make the somethings, the anythings, mean so much more.
So for the two of you that asked, thank you. Pray for me. And since I have so much time on my hands, how can I pray for you? Comment and let me know.
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When You HAVE NOT
Have you ever had a case of the Have Nots? You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? I HAVE NOT this, I HAVE NOT that…I HAVE NOT ENOUGH?
My family and I are being stretched by God and challenged to consider what it means to serve Him and follow Him no matter what the circumstances. We are learning that We DO HAVE food in our house, even if it’s not what we want to eat. WE DO HAVE clothes to wear, even if it’s not something new. WE DO HAVE a few people out there who genuinely love us and will do whatever it takes to help us. WE DO HAVE immeasurably more than America tells we don’t.
The pressure of being American is overwhelming. To have more, do more, be more. We live in a society that teaches our kids that whatever they have is not sufficient. The pressure is passed on to us, and the quiet, sneaky little voice constantly whispers You HAVE NOT, you HAVE NOT, you HAVE NOT.
Sometimes this whisper drowns out the truth of what we do have that nothing can ever take away from us, our solid and firm relationship with the God of the Universe who is in control and knows all my needs. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. No amount of HAVE NOTs on this earth could ever outweigh the truth of who I am and what God has me here for.
So if you are struggling to pay your rent, or squeeze one more glass of juice out of your oranges…or if you don’t know how your are going to keep your lights on…much less keep diapers on your baby…or if you don’t know when you are going to hear from your husband in Afghan again…or you can’t find your daughter….or you just have lost all hope because this world keeps telling you that you HAVE NOT… I encourage you. Don’t give up. Don’t throw in the towel. There is a guy I know, his name is Jesus, and he adores you. He knows your suffering, he has a hope for you, a life for you, a love for you. Just ask Him for it, he is the one thing that you will always HAVE.
Bringing the Mountains to the Shore
This is the first time I’ve spent time in the mountains. The beach now has some serious competition. Now mind you, it’s not snowing or -20 out. The weather is cool enough yet warm enough. The mountains are ridiculous-beautiful and I’m surrounded by….
Trees.
Oh, the trees! The abundant 360 degrees of constant reminders of God’s glory. It’s tempting to not pack my bags, while praying for a new calling and just move here until I receive it. I am in constant awe of God’s beauty. I am redefining what it means to be on the mountain and in the valley. I see it, I understand it. There is a peace here like no other.
I wonder how to take these mountains with me back to the beach. It’s easy to find peace and contentment when you are away from the daily rumblings of life uncertain. But when the thunder rolls, and the bills pile up…or the kids needs are beyond your capacity to provide…or you need to find time for our marriage when work sits and stares at you…then your friends are in crisis, and your dog needs to go for a walk…and you need to find the time to take a shower.
I want to bring this peace I have found in the Carolina mountains and infuse it into my reality. I believe it is possible. How do you find your peace?
Thoughts?
Seeking Solid Ground
When Alyssa came home from the Dominican, her leaders warned de-briefed her about living in America after being exposed to the Third World. Ever since then, she has struggled with balancing between the realities of poverty and the acceptance of being privileged. By American standards, we are lower middle class–struggling, lower middle class, but compared to the batay’s filled with refugees and the street kids, we might as well be bazillion-aires.
I, too struggle with this balance but mine is living in this world while being a citizen of the Kingdom of God. From moment to moment, I waver between accepting that my trials are to be rejoiced over, and pursuing one of my brilliantly thought out solutions to my problems on my own.
I want to move to a permanent address in my faith but find myself so consumed with things, worrying about our future, and making sure my kids don’t really know how bad things are. The obstacle grows more difficult when I’m surrounded by people who consume things without a flinch, have no fear of the future, and have no concerns to hide from their kids. It seems so unfair.
Now I know the truth. I know that everyone has their struggles, that the future is unsure and that kids can’t be completely oblivious, it will only harm them. But still I find myself moving up and down the see-saw of lies and truth, wondering why I can’t just jump off the ride and land in the stillness of Christ.
I know that I’m not the only one. Certainly each of you struggle with finding the balance in some part of your life. Maybe it’s between work and home. Maybe it’s trying to give your husband and your kids enough attention. Perhaps you can’t even find the time to take a shower.
We are not alone. As moms, wives–as women, we struggle between what is expected of us by our families and our society, and what we were created to be–faith-filled, children of a powerful and loving God. Whatever the imbalance, I’m desperately seeking solid ground.
Thoughts?
PARENTING: The Fear in Not Knowing
The “I Don’t Know Girl” evolves quietly and slowly. As kids face more and more pressure to be accepted and perfect, and more and more rejection if they do something wrong, their ability to make decisions slowly dwindle. The “IDK Girl” struggles with self confidence which encourages individuality.
The fear of making the wrong choice will lead to the possibility of being ridiculed or looked down on. If a teenager says, I want to eat _______ and her friends don’t like that idea, then maybe she will feel like an outcast.
If she likes something on her pizza like anchovies or pineapple, she may hear judgement, she may hear, “gross!” If what I like is gross, then what I am is gross, perhaps??
If the IDK girl wears the wrong thing to school, she fears not measuring up. The WRONG shoes, a shirt NOT bought from the RIGHT place, a purse NOT costing $200.
The pattern here: teenage girls want to fit in, even at the expense of not having their own identity. I see a growing pattern in girls working hard to create a NON-identity, simply wanting to blend in, even mortified if they stand out in any way. Individuality comes at a high price. But so does not being yourself. Constant fear ends up controlling every thought of the young girls of the Y generation.
Fear of rejection
Fear of failure
Fear of judgement
Fear of ridicule
Fear of being alone
Have you experienced girls being judged for trying to establish their individuality?
What do you think is going to happen in adulthood for these girls?
