Blog Archives
This Will Probably Tick You Off
As most of you know, I have dedicated my life to showing the love of Jesus to kids of all ages. I love Jesus and, wow, do I love kids. Every child in my life or who crosses my path gets my benefit of the doubt. I have this crazy ability to see the hurt and suffering and vulnerability of every child. And with that grows my love for them.
But my love, and my willingness to show Jesus’ love to these kids is just not enough. And here is why.
We are raising a generation who idolize people with mediocre talent or who have gotten famous for doing absolutely nothing. This laziness to stardom is morphing into the New American Dream. The Real, honest and true American dream is slowly flushing down the toilet. The one that prides itself on hard work and reaching goals.
Unfortunately, my small blog post won’t do anything to change how apathetic our kids are. In fact, I could sky write it and have it published in every respectable newspaper in America, and everyone will simply shake their heads in agreement and go about their business.
I know I’m right, and it saddens me. Because I know that a change of heart in today’s kids, and to challenge them to reach their full potential, will require something from you, and honestly, you aren’t willing to give it.
Changing and shaping our future would require you to lay your judgement down of that foul mouthed teenager and actually talk to him with the same respect you demand. It would beg you to maybe give a kid a hug. And the thing is, it would require you to do all of these things more than once, in fact more than twice. It would require an invested commitment on your part to pour into the next generation instead of expecting them to fend for themselves.
All of these years you have thought that putting your blinders on and forcing the outside world to disappear is what is best for YOUR family. But you see, the entire world affects your child, so why wouldn’t you want to take some ownership for your neighbor’s child, your friend’s child, or even the unknown child? All of those kids will have tremendous influence on your own kid, the future of our world and all upcoming generations.
But instead we judge the child, criticize the parent, homeschool our own kids so they don’t have to interact with society and then ask, “what is this world coming to?”.
And the answer is You . You are what this world is coming to. Stop living so selfishly. It’s not about you. It never was, and it never will be. This life is about giving generously of your life because Jesus gave generously to you of His.
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Boys Will Be Boys, Except When They’re Girls
Tolerance. This is the buzzword that looms and makes my job so much harder. We are living in a world of gray that refuses to accept a standard and allows whatever feels right, looks right, seems right, without regard for any such thing as absolute truth. I would say the lines are getting fuzzy, but it seems lines no longer exist.
This is particularly true in regards to male and female. I remember the year I bought Cody a baby doll for Christmas. He would be as mortified at you knowing this as much my husband was that I encouraged it. He wanted a baby, he wanted to be a dad. THAT I could not discourage. So I bought him a doll, and he played daddy with it for about two minutes and then the thrill was gone.
He didn’t want the doll because he wanted to be a girl, he wanted the doll because he wanted to explore the role of a dad, the role of being a man. But now, things have changed….
Now, our world is promoting genderless-ness. As if there are no innate differences in how we were created. But we ARE different. Scientists don’t disagree–well at least I don’t think they do. I am pretty sure they can tell you all the differences between our anatomy and physiology. And the differences would be clearly defined, no fuzzy lines. Boys have these parts, girls have those. Boys have this kind of hormone, girls have allllll of these kinds of hormones. It’s true. It’s absolute.
In the Bible, our gender differences are absolute. Men-work. Women-have babies. Really, it says that. It also says that God created us in whichever way he created us– either as a woman or man. He never makes a mistake. He never says, “oops, I accidently put a woman in a man’s body or vice versa.”
So now that I’ve covered Science AND the Bible: why is our world okay with removing the boundaries that clearly define the differences between male and female? And more so, why is it shameful to be accepting of our genders as beautiful & exciting, part of a bigger vision that is unfathomable?
I read an article this morning about a son we “refused” (that’s a whole other article) to wear anything but dresses, so his dad decided to wear dresses with him. I read a children’s book that encourages demasculation by referring to her son as a princess boy. I’ve seen young girls so terribly ashamed of their bodies and being feminine that they pile on layers and layers of clothes to cover themselves, I had a 9 year old girl so ashamed of herself that she changed her name to something that “sounded like a boy” so no one would know she was a girl.
Parents–STOP. I implore you. Instead of erasing the lines that clearly define us as humans created beautifully, with complexity and purpose, encourage your boys to embrace their roles as leaders and warriors, fighting for what they believe in and rolling up their sleeves to get the work done. Show your girls the beauty within themselves without having to use their bodies to gain approval or hide their bodies in utter shame. Allow both of them to see how their genders contribute to the workings of this system we call humanity. Please, let your boys be boys and your girls be girls. You will be sorry if you don’t.
Thoughts?
Who Cares About Father’s Day?
Yesterday was Father’s Day. For those of you who forgot, I believe you can still get a card but will be able to get it at least 1/2 off. Your dad will be proud that you saved money.
I’m always torn about Father’s Day, for both personal and professional reasons. Personally, I became legally fatherless at the age of 8. My biological Father’s legal rights were terminated a few days before my birthday, and I wasn’t adopted by my new step-dad. So Father’s day means pretty much nothing to me. I have a fantastic grandfather, but he didn’t really “father me”, so to speak. So rummaging through the cards at Hallmark is sometimes comical, but not meaningful.
I have an amazing husband who is an awesome father, and he deserves the best of the best–even the stupid card that sings and lights up that Zac talked me in to. Eight-Ridiculous-Dollars later, I know how important a father is to my children.
But not all children have that love, or desire to blow money on dad. And so on Sunday morning in Children’s Ministry, I struggle with making Father’s Day Gifts. Mother’s day, on the other hand, is not so difficult. Most kids have a relationship with their mother, or have some mother figure who has stepped up and kids are always excited to paint and color and staple. But dad’s….
Lots of kids don’t have dads, or father figures or anyone they can happily decorate a cupcake for. It saddens me, because there is nothing I can do to take that all too familiar pain away. Like with my own father, I wonder if these innocent lovies have a father out there somewhere thinking about them.
Even when Father’s Day offers a nothing but a sting, I use it as a chance to explain the beauty found only in our heavenly Father. I give each child, fathered or not, a hope to cling to. There is a Father, who created you and loves you immensely. Every piece of art you create with your life hangs on his fridge. He saves every Hallelujah uttered from your lips in a file marked with your name. He delights over you, disciplines you, holds you, and loves every part of you ruined from your past and every thing you will be in the future. It is the truth that has sustained me, and He will be enough for these kids, too.
So yesterday, and today, and everyday, I celebrate the Father I have in Christ. I hope that you do to.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5 NIV)
Thoughts?
PARENTING: The Fear in Not Knowing
The “I Don’t Know Girl” evolves quietly and slowly. As kids face more and more pressure to be accepted and perfect, and more and more rejection if they do something wrong, their ability to make decisions slowly dwindle. The “IDK Girl” struggles with self confidence which encourages individuality.
The fear of making the wrong choice will lead to the possibility of being ridiculed or looked down on. If a teenager says, I want to eat _______ and her friends don’t like that idea, then maybe she will feel like an outcast.
If she likes something on her pizza like anchovies or pineapple, she may hear judgement, she may hear, “gross!” If what I like is gross, then what I am is gross, perhaps??
If the IDK girl wears the wrong thing to school, she fears not measuring up. The WRONG shoes, a shirt NOT bought from the RIGHT place, a purse NOT costing $200.
The pattern here: teenage girls want to fit in, even at the expense of not having their own identity. I see a growing pattern in girls working hard to create a NON-identity, simply wanting to blend in, even mortified if they stand out in any way. Individuality comes at a high price. But so does not being yourself. Constant fear ends up controlling every thought of the young girls of the Y generation.
Fear of rejection
Fear of failure
Fear of judgement
Fear of ridicule
Fear of being alone
Have you experienced girls being judged for trying to establish their individuality?
What do you think is going to happen in adulthood for these girls?
Ummm….I Dunnno
An American teenage tragedy is the inability for a young girl to make a choice. In our society we are inendated with choices. There are five thousand ways to order a cup of coffee, 100,000 thousand different slushy choices at Sonic, 200 options in toothpaste. But somehow, the ability for young girls to be sure of what they like or don’t like is increasingly prevalent.
My daughters and their friends would rather me wear my leg warmers from the 80′s a belt out a Debbie Gibson hit while playin with my rhythm ribbon than listen to my “I Don’t Know Girl” lecture. An “I Don’t Know Girl” is a young lady who lacks the ability to make a decision with confidence. Her answer to every question is, “I don’t know,” or “I don’t care.”
The decisions faced aren’t difficult. Simple things like:
What do you want to eat?
What movie sounds good?
How do you like your pizza?
Which the answers are normally something like:
It doesn’t matter.
I don’t know.
Whatever, I don’t care.
I know it is seemingly insignificant, but to me, every simple decision a girl can make with confidence will lead to bigger, more important choices made with confidence. A girl can learn to have confidence in her decisions by making them. It requires them to step out on a limb, believing in themselves and what they like or don’t like has value.
Do you experience your tweens and teens becoming “IDK Girls” ? How do you encourage confidence in your kids?
