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So I’m Concocting This Plan….
My husband doesn’t know it, but I’ve been sitting in front of the TV all morning watching the terrible images of the Oklahoma Tornado. I can’t imagine wondering if I will ever find my child buried beneath the rubble. I can’t imagine it all being stripped from me, in an unexpected moment because of wind and rain. I can’t imagine… Did you know that the winds were so fierce they stripped the bark off of trees. But the trees were left standing–rooted. Being rooted in Christ, I feel like our family is that tree, and no matter what we’ve been through, we are still standing. And because of that, we have to do something.
Everything in me is ready to pack and start the 20 hour drive to Moore, OK. But every doubt and question and reason not to is flooding my head. My attachment to stuff and my worry about money and bills keeps my feet planted. And for the record: I HATE IT!
This can’t be how Jesus intends for us to live our lives. Unable to help, to reach out to those in need, because of stuff. I can’t imagine He desired for us to be so comfortable that it hinders, and pretty much enables us to feed the poor, help the needy, love the broken. More and more I resent this life I’ve created for myself and my kids. This life of stuff and materialism. This world of work hard at a job you may or may not like, that may or may not be your God given gifts to buy more stuff, and bigger houses, that you absolutely do not need…that with a little wind and rain, can be taken in moments.
So I’m concocting this plan…to leave. I believe that going to Oklahoma could change our family, our lives, and my marriage. I believe that going to Oklahoma will ignite a passion for people in my children. I believe that going to Oklahoma will deepen my families faith in a way that we will never be able to be at this place again. I believe going to Oklahoma will further the kingdom, and help a family believe in Jesus who never knew Him before. I believe I want to go…I believe we need to go. In order to go, I’m going to need to raise the money to prove to my slumbering husband how serious I am. I am praying that God is speaking to him in his dreams right now, and I’m praying that by the time he wakes up my plan will be in full swing, and he will be unable to say No.
Will you donate? I don’t need pledges, I need the cash! Can you give? Will you give? I’m thinking we would need anywhere from $1500-$2000 to stay a week, have money for gas and food and be able to freely give to those in need. I will be taking photos and documenting our trip, so you know I’m not trying to swindle you! Help me get my plan in motion, and so I can be completely convincing when my husband awakens. I don’t think my blue eyes alone are going to get me this one.
Walking a New Road with Rainbow Dots and Unicorns
He looked up at me with his big brown eyes, “Mom, will you color with me?” Who can say no to a sick kid with brown eyes? Not this mom. So we spread out the crayons and self-containing paint brushes and smelly makers. (Score! Remember when smelly markers were the coolest thing ever? And only the coolest teachers had them? Well, now WE have them, so if that makes me cool, then so be it.)
After drawing a few hearts and flowers I started this project. Dots. Small dots. Lots of dots. Dots that take forever.
By the 11th red dot, I was over it. As I was entering into my time machine, transporting myself back to the days of rainbow bright and unicorns, these dots reminded me of how much I HATE hate hate process. Before I even started this little piece of art, I envisioned the finished project. But actually doing the work is a whole other cup of tea.
I hate process. There. I confess. But I made myself finish. And the whole time, I felt the pain of Jesus trying to turn that switch on my heart. And it’s not a flip switch. It’s a turn-one (and yes, that’s the official and proper name for it). By the time I picked up the yellow (lemon) marker I was pushing myself to the finish line. Trying to enjoy every dot, every size, every moment of creativity. In order for me to learn to love the journey, I have to take myself on the journey, over and over, I have to walk that road.
So today I forced myself down another road, to teach me to enjoy the process. And I hated almost every minute of it.
I loved the finish product but by the time I sanded the first plank, I had to remind myself of the beauty of the journey. That there are moments of frustration, and moments you have to force yourself through. Even when you don’t feel like it, you have to take one more step. And each “one more step” brings you closer to the end.
I’ve decided that I will regularly push myself to learn how to enjoy the journey. Even if it’s forcing myself to make colored dots on a piece of paper, I will force myself out of my comfortable, and sometimes unproductive bubble. If I want God to teach me something new, I have to do things differently than I’ve done before. Are you willing to do the same ?
You Are Loved,
I Deserve A Happy Mother’s Day!
Today was wonderful. It started with breakfast, a great day at church, then shopping and dinner. I got some much needed shorts, and some perfume…ahh…it smells so wonderful. All day today was about mothers.
I think it’s wonderful to take a day out and acknowledge your mom for all the great things she’s done for you–like give birth, or clean up your puke or mop up your forgotten frozen beer in the freezer when you were too young to be drinking and the butt-whoopin’ you got for drinking too young to begin with. (thanks mom, but I still swear it wasn’t mine!) Mom’s do above and beyond for us. I know, I have a mom. I know, I am a mom.
Yesterday I was wondering what my family was going to do for me. Fear crept up at the thought that maybe they wouldn’t do anything. My husband works long, crazy hours. My kids are –well, they are kids. I convinced myself that if they didn’t do anything for me, that I would be okay with that. (yah, right! My husband is amazing!) Then this ugly feeling crept up in me. This nasty, too familiar feeling that can ruin you, than can rob you of all joy possible….this….feeling of ….
ENTITLEMENT.
At the end of the conversation with myself, I convinced myself that I was entitled to presents, and doting and acknowledgement. That somehow, because President Wilson thought it was a good idea to make it a recognized holiday…or Hallmark encourages us to use their words to describe our love for our moms….or the flower industry convinces us that mom’s like already dead things that will continue in that process…somehow, I was entitled. I deserved it. Damn it, I earned it!
In that moment, those feelings of entitlement robbed me of the joy that comes with serving my family. I love taking care of my family. In fact, today, I found it difficult to not handle things. Probably because I”m a control freak, but that’s for another post. Even though I work hard to love my family, I am not entitled to anything. I serve my family because I want to, because I’m called to. Do I want to be honored and respected for what I do? Absolutely. But I want it to flow out of a natural love of God through my kids and husband, showered over me. And I want it everyday. Not because I deserve it, but because I find joy in showing that love to them, and they will ultimately find joy in showing it to me–and any other person in their life.
Mother’s Day should not be that have-to day when we painstakingly try and figure out what to buy a woman who already has everything. It’s a day to do a heart-check.
Are the things you do in your life for your family a natural outflow of God’s love?
Is your reservoir empty? How can you refill it?
Do your kids show a natural outflow of God’s love in their lives?
Love God first, everything will come easier!
You are loved,
Of Politics and Religion
I never thought I would care much about politics. I grew up during the Reagan administration and the world seemed at peace to me and I thought that everyone loved the President. Now being married to a soldier, the politics of the world and our government are part of our daily conversations.
I follow Mike Huckabee on Facebook. I love to hear his perspective on the White House and politics and the way our government (mal)functions. Normally after I read, and agree, and my blood boils, I find myself just sitting there asking, “What can I really do about it?”
Really, my hands are tied. Politicians are going to do what they want. The Governors and Senators and Congressmen have their own agendas and negotiations and pretty much will do whatever benefits their people pockets.
With the recent BIG NEWS (and i say that sarcastically) of Jason Collins coming out of the closet, I left my rantings at the door, of my blog, and found myself totally upset at the mix of politics and morality. It got me thinking.
I wonder if we all don't question our impact when it comes to politics and religion. We all kinda know about Jesus, and some of us even grew up in church. And now there are so many different religions, a buffet of the beliefs of the world colliding, spread out and displayed for us to walk along to pick and choose what we want. In some light it seems doable, but most of the time it's too overwhelming.
Like politics, we may catch ourselves asking:
What can we really do about it anyway?
How can we possibly sift through it all and come up with the right answer?
In politics and religion it feels like our hands are tied. So we do nothing…
Ultimately, it's about taking responsibility. Our apathy in politics or religion are going to come to great consequence that we aren't going to be happy living with, not in this life or the next.
We are too content with apathy.
Just like with anything in life, we have to try. It is up to us to pick up the phone and call our Congressman to help change laws to stop human trafficking. It is up to us to read Scripture and know what God expects of us. We may not make a difference immediately or feel a difference immediately. But someone has to do something, or no one will do anything.
Are you going to do anything?
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Why I Am Pissed About Jason Collins
Last night the big NBA story came out, well more like NBA basketball player Jason Collins came out. In a story for Sports Illustrated, the Wizard player announced to the world that he is gay.
Now I know that lots of you will expect me to speak out against homosexuality, because after all, I am a Christian. I am not outraged at homosexuality, it's everywhere, it's even in the Bible. But for the record I am against homosexuality because I believe it is a lifestyle choice. More so, I don't think that anything that places a person's identity in sexuality can align with God's character or plan for the people he loves.
I don't really want to argue the sexuality-nature-nurture-God's-Justice-vs-Gods-Grace-homosexuality-Christians-are-so-judgemental-you-have-to-accept-me issue. I'm really more pissed that President Obama called Jason Collins and congratulated him on being gay.
I mean it's not bad enough that our Vice President spent $1 million dollars of tax payers money on a two day trip to Paris. Or that the Obama family so kindly didn't spend their own money giving each other gifts last Christmas, they just spent $20 million of our dollars to jet off to Hawaii to celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus together in the surf.
Now on the President's agenda, along with Late Night Show interviews and other celebrity appearances, the President feels compelled to call an NBA player, that most likely he doesn't even really know, and say “Yay, You're Gay!”
I know some of you are thinking that the President lives in a free country and can call who he wants. But I'm just saying–Not on my dime. I'm not okay with that. I would much rather Mr. President call maybe the wife of the soldier who lost both his legs fighting in the war, and now their marriage is on brink of failure but they are pushing through to try and make it work. And maybe he could say to them, “Yay! You're doing it!”
Perhaps he could pick up the cell phone that we pay the bill on and call the veteran of two wars, who just can't get a job with the government because there is a job hiring freeze because due to an excess of money spent on Paris and Hawaii. Daily this soldier battles PTSD and severe pain, but hasn't been able to get a disability claim approved or paid in the last two years because no one will return his calls and the government doesn't have the staff or the money to actually support the soldiers that fight to make sure that NBA players can make millions and our President can freely support same sex relationships. Yah, he could call that guy and say thanks for serving our country. Or even better–President Obama could call someone at the VA and ask them to pay out the soldiers claim.
And maybe when First Lady Michelle Obama says that a NBA player coming out of the closet is a huge step forward for our country, maybe she could mean that when families are actually able to pay their rent, and people are actually able to get jobs, and students can actually finish school without being hundreds of thousands in debt.
<sigh>
I guess I'm just fed up. I'm tired of the President wanting to be more friend of the celebrity than the leader of our nation. It's getting really old, it's making me nauseous. I find myself losing hope for our future, wondering why God would allow such authority over our country–why we tolerate such authority.
Luckily my hope is in Jesus–Jesus is the Hope for Real Change.
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
